7/25/2005
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sooooo, i dont feel likie i live in santa barbara but it sure seems that way. so cal ripper i guess is what you could call me. or something like that. have you ever seen someone at the coffee shop typing away at their computer at mach speed and you could barely see their blurred digits? well thtas not me. but it is thye girl across the room and it makes me feel like a typing school dropout, which i guess is what i am but damnit! this shit takes me forever to put down. so feel sorry for me everytime you read one of these o.k.
things are definately getting surreal around here like i kind of feel like ive been waking up from dream only to find that the dream was really what was going on anyways.
my days are moving ahead quiker than i can shake a calendar at them.
i feel ghostish half of the time and my interpersonal interactions feel like im really just watching a crappy movie. not all of them i guess. some of them feel really straight up. but some of them just feel retarded.
ive also been doing well to just let go of some things. like the kind of things that you want despertately to hold on to because you think itsthey re the things that could be the ones that totally seals the deal for total happiness in life.
like a pretty cool girl.
or the ability do do things that i used to really well. like tattooing or skateboarding.
or just plane out wants and desires in general.theyre all facades and more often then not its these kinds of things that usaully are the ones that tear my world apart. like i want this to be like this or that should be like that or like me not him etc.
then..... things change. drastically ar maybe just subtley but it changes or i change and the thing just stays the same or whatever and then blamo and kabluey the smashing begins and then theres jadedness or injury. these things are good im sure at times but unnessary mostly. im here in this world alone (and naked at times) and i cant fight anymore because its killing me.
i miss portland. im glad to be on the road, it seems the place that i really make headway in subjects having to do with living. and being truley happy and not just high. or horny.
speaking of which dont watch the movie happiness unless you want to be completely disturbed or unless you re alreay completely disturbed.
by the way im thirty five now. and i cant really see my self settling down and living some where for a while and i cant wait to head out into the great faraaway.
santa barbara is getting too comfy. in a good way.
dont be bored because if youre bored youre really just boring. dig? roger p.s. shit talkers beware your fates are sealed. |
